Just Because It’s Common Doesn’t Make It Normal!
Social norms (and why they matter)
I did sociology, psychology and philosophy at college and loved it. I never took it any further, but those classes have stuck with me all these years later (and that’s quite a few).
One thing I remember from sociology was the topic of social norms and how those can vary from culture to culture or place to place.
For example, back home in Bolton or Manchester it’s very normal to “let-on” (that’s say hello) to someone you don’t know on the street when passing or if you’re waiting at a bus stop. Down here in Bournemouth that’s much less common. Same country, different social norms.
So how does this relate to dogs?
You don’t have to go very far to see dogs dragging owners down the street, or pulling towards other dogs to “say hello”.
Small dogs barking at passers-by — be that another dog or a person (a behaviour that wouldn’t be deemed acceptable for a larger dog).
All of these things (and plenty more like it) are seen as normal because they’re so common.
But (brace yourself)… this is not normal.
Anthropomorphism: well-meaning, often messy
I’m not going down a philosophical rabbit hole about whether dog ownership is “normal” or “ethical”. I’ve not got the energy for that.
But it is important to talk about how our dogs are allowed to conduct themselves in public spaces (and at home), and how our perception gets skewed.
Dogs are all too often anthropomorphised. There’s this general feeling that if we don’t humanise them, we must not care. Reality check: dogs are dogs. We can’t put our human values, thoughts and feelings onto them.
“He just wants to say hello”
I hear this all the time as a dog jet-skis its owner towards another dog, then proceeds to intensely sniff and invade the other dog’s space.
What we see as sweet or friendly is often really quite rude — and many dogs hate being on the receiving end of it. It’s too intense and, on a lead, the dog being approached can’t get away. That’s how fights and general chaos kick off.
Flip it to humans (just for a second)
The equivalent? Your partner running over to a stranger in the park and getting all up in their face while you shout, “he just wants to say hi!”
You wouldn’t excuse that. It’s a massive invasion of personal space and creates a ton of pressure.
If you’re the type who hates that, you’d likely tell them to f**k off out your face. If you’re more nervous, you’d find the whole interaction overwhelming and quite aversive while doing your best to create space yourself by backing away.
Yeah, I know the irony — I’m using human comparisons while telling people not to humanise dogs. But sometimes it’s the only way to draw the comparison.
Aim for neutrality (and safety)
We should be encouraging neutrality in our dogs — not yielding to their every whim and desire.
And it’s a safety thing. If your dog has to say hello to every dog they see, you’re rolling the dice. You’ve no idea how that other dog will react. You’ve no idea if that dog is nervous or reactive. You’ve no idea what journey that owner and dog are on. Your dog barging in could set them back months.
And I’ll bet a penny to a pound you wouldn’t allow it if the other dog was muzzled or looked “scary”.
Common ≠ normal
Just because we see it all the time doesn’t make it normal. It’s vital we recognise that.
If this is something you think you need to work on, that’s totally cool. Hit up a trusted trainer — even if you have to travel for proper help.
I drove two hours with Sam in my early days, because nobody local could give me the guidance I needed, so keep an open mind when it comes to choosing a trainer and where they are based. It might be the best thing you ever do for your dog.